Me with my submission artwork, 'Empty Streets' (now sold!)
‘So what are you
listening to?’ a voice from behind me asks. I disentangle myself from the
headphones on my Walkman and wipe my paint covered hands with a rag. I turn to
shyly greet Dame Joan Bakewell, the person asking the question, who is standing
there with members of the TV crew who are all masked up. I explain that I have
the shuffle setting on, but I had just been listening to Bob Dylan. ‘Have you
listened to the new album?’ I have. ‘It’s really good isn’t it? I just love his
words. I’ve just had Jonathan Miller’s son print me off all the lyrics so I can
read them’, she says disarmingly, as if I of course know Jonathan Miller’s son,
as we make our way to the front of my ‘pod’ for an interview. It’s about 11
o’clock in the morning and I’ve been painting for an hour. My interview with
Joan, which lasts about half an hour will turn out to be one of my personal
highlights from this rather heady and at times gruelling day, painting in the
sunshine in my green bucket hat with large TV cameras just inches away. She’s
really warm and engaged on and off camera (she’s been doing this for a long
time after all…), and we chat quite a bit about painting of course, but also teaching
and Birmingham and what my largely Muslim students would make of this place,
with its enormous grounds, grand follies and houses. I don’t really know what I
make of it other than it makes me very uneasy that it even exists and, with the
college I work at located in one of the most deprived parts of England, I think
they would feel the same.
It’s an issue that is
picked up later in the afternoon by Stephen Mangan, the other presenter. We chat
on camera and again I am asked, what with my submission of a landscape set in
the urban streets of Birmingham, what I make of a place like this. This time I explain how I see so much of the
world through the lens of my working class upbringing and I’m very aware of the
history of country estates and houses like this and how my Dad won’t visit them
because ‘they are all built on the backs and blood and sweat of the working
class’, he interrupts. ‘Well….yes,’ I say, not sure if he’s taking the piss.
'....one family?'
He
asks me if I’m going to try and bring this into my piece, but in these
circumstances I’m not sure how. Off camera, he tells me he is from a big
working class Irish family and he totally gets what how I am feeling. He tells
me that when he drove onto the estate in the morning his thoughts were ‘One
family…?!’
Joan Bakewell and Stephen Mangan
I had risen early from
my bed at around 5.30am. The Travelodge I’m staying in is on the High Wycombe
ring road and the noise from the traffic, combined with my nerves had ensured I
didn’t get much sleep. I have to be at West Wycombe Park for 7am, but it’s only
2 miles up the road so I’m really early. I have a cup of tea, shower, get
dressed, and in the cool early morning air head over the ring road to where my
car has been parked in the NCP car park all night. I’m a bit anxious that all
my painting gear is still safe in the car (I am from Birmingham after all) but
thankfully it is. I slowly drive the car down the winding ramps and head off.
The Park is surrounded
by a high wall with a huge gate that opens just as I arrive. Immediately inside
there is a car park which a few other cars nervously follow me towards. These
are some of the 50 ‘wild card’ artists who will also be taking part today.
There is someone from the TV crew waiting for us and, and after I identify myself
as a contestant, a medic takes my temperature and I’m invited to load all my
gear onto a golf buggy and trundle off, masked up and holding on tightly to all
my stuff. We cross the enormous estate to where I eventually find myself at the
site of the six ‘pods’ where the 6 competing artists will work from today. We
are situated by a large lake opposite which, on an island in the middle, is a
large temple like building, The Music Room. The estate once belonged to the
Dashford family, who still live here, but it is now owned by the National Trust
after debts were accumulated. I’ve done my google research.
The 'Wild Card' artists
I say hello to the other
artists, who all seem as nervous as me, and we exchange a bit of banter. I
immediately get on with one painter, Dougie Adams, but also enjoy talking to
Kirandeep, who is also from Birmingham who is here with her sister, and Sophia
and Rosemary who are both here with their spouses, and we chat away about
painting and the show. I never get chance to speak to Renata until the end of
the day as she arrives later with the air of an artist on a mission so I’m a
bit afraid to approach her if truth be told. I’ve watched 2 series of this programme during
lockdown so it all seems very familiar on one hand, but of course very strange
to now find myself here being escorted to pod number 3 while the camera crews
set up. I jump up on the stage, which is smaller than I thought it would be,
excited, inside feeling a bit like a little kid trying to take it all in. I’m
feeling ok after all my preparation, but it’s hard to think straight with all
the activity around. I have thought all along that it would be unlikely that I
would win today given the nature of the task, but I do think I’m a pretty good
painter and so my own slightly more modest ambition is to at least be
recognised in the top three artworks of the day.
The Pods
I’m coming out of the
portable loos at 9.30 when I hear a voice say to me, ‘So you must be the guy
from West Bromwich who doesn’t like football!’. It’s the judge Tai
Schierenberg, a very fine award winning painter, who had been an artist in residence
at West Bromwich Albion a couple of years ago. I had watched a fascinating
programme about it, as Tai, now a devoted Baggies fan, had never even been to a
football match before his time at the club, but now he regularly travels up to
The Hawthorns. We have a nice chat about it all, including my personal misgivings
about football, as we walk in the sunshine towards my pod where I am now being
invited to at last to set up and get ready to start at 10am. He wishes me good
luck. The camera crew wants to film us getting our art equipment out, squeezing
tubes of oily paint etc. before Stephen Mangan and Joan Bakewell announce (twice)
the start of the programme and our four hours of work. The silence as we all
set to work by the lakeside as the cameras finally roll feels deafening. It all
feels very surreal. I was waiting for the incidental music to crank up…
The start...
...starting my painting
And on the whole I
thought my day’s painting went well. I took my time getting the composition and
drawing right on the canvas in the first hour. I thought my composition,
although simple, was strong and well-balanced. I would occasionally leap off my
pod’s stage to look at my painting from a distance and would steal a glance at
the other 2 easel painters work, Dougie and Sophia, but not for long, there
seemed no point really. It was important to just stay totally focussed on my
own work and think about what I wanted to do with this rather sentimental,
picturesque scene in front of me. But
there were many interruptions as you were invited to speak to one of the
judges- I spoke with Tai and Kate Bryan- and the presenters, but also to speak
‘to the camera’ where one of the crew would ask you lots of questions about how
you were feeling about taking part, how your painting was going etc. In these
‘to camera’ sections I kept having to repeat my spiel as I constantly referred
to being in ‘the show’ and not ‘the competition’, which was how they preferred
it to be referenced. ‘Can you not say ‘The Show?’ Can you say ‘The
Competition?’ And again…’ the woman in charge of these segments kept patiently
telling me. That was a bit more difficult but all good fun too, but admittedly it
did get in the way of thinking about what I was doing. At the end of the day I
don’t work like that. I work for long periods uninterrupted trying to reach a
place with a painting where it takes on an integrity of its own that you then
have to respond to. Finding this was difficult.
After two hours work a
packed lunch was bought over and I ate mine under a shady tree chatting with
Dougie. When I returned to my pod I felt the pressure mount in the afternoon as
I tried to push on and try and shape my painting into something more exciting
and original, which I found hard given the scene.
We had started back at 1, and
with the competition being to create the painting in 4 hours, I had my mind set
on 3pm or thereabouts as when we would finish as no one had said otherwise. I
put down my brushes at five to three, feeling a bit wiped out at this point.
and looked around only to see everyone else still working away as if they had
bags of time. I asked one of the TV crew what time we finished and she said,
‘Oh, we have another hour and a half yet!’. As a teacher by day, with my exam
invigilator’s head on, I thought, ‘well we could have had more warning about
that!’ They were of course, including all the stops taken by us all to do
interviews etc into consideration but no conversation had actually occurred
about how this would affect the time which would have been helpful. We probably
all did about 6 hours painting in the end. Anyway, feeling rather foolish, I sat
for a while looking at my work with fresh eyes before picking up my brushes
again and before long found myself working with a deeper concentration than I
had managed all day back into the painting for another hour. I tried to
maintain a more holistic approach to the painting than fuss with details,
although the Music Temple, which was central to the view, made this near
impossible, until time was finally called.
My finished painting, oil on canvas, 100 x 78cms
We were all really
exhausted as we stepped off the stage and walked towards the cameras for a shot
of us ending the session. It turned out to be four more shots as we all did
this really badly, much to the director’s dismay but my amusement (we are all
artists not actors after all…) ‘Just look at my red T shirt as you come towards
us!’ he barked before ‘no, back again….jeezuz’ he muttered under his breath.
The finished artworks by the 6 Pod artists
The six Pod artists
The artists were
escorted to another, cool in the shade, part of the park for a sandwich and a
welcome drink but with little opportunity to look at each other’s work which I
thought was a shame, while the judges assessed our efforts back near the pods.
The Judges, curator Kate Bryan, artist Tai Shan Schierenberg, curator Kathreen Soriano
Of the easel painters I could see that Sophia
had struggled to finish, but Dougie had completed a nice, subtle painting and I
felt sure he would get in the top 3. I felt very nervous but also very unsure
of where I would end up in the selection. I thought I had done a good painting
that had a great deal of vitality and life to it despite being created in these
difficult circumstances (although I can see now that I didn’t do very well with
capturing the integrity of the Music Room/Temple). Would I make the top 3? I
really hoped so as we were eventually called back to stand in line next to our work
in front of an audience of many of the ‘Wild Card’ artists who had now made
their way down. I felt like Maximillian in front of the firing squad in Manet’s
painting ‘The Execution of Emperor Maximillian’(I’m actually not kidding about
this). Waiting to hear the shortlist (this was horrible...)
And then the names
were called out by Stephen Mangan as the Judges stood behind him- I’ve noticed
they never make eye contact with the artists at this point- ‘Rosemary Firth,
Renata Fernandez…’ and at this point after the calling out of the names of the first
two artists I had a terrible, sinking realization that I had not gotten into
the top 3 as I knew Dougie would certainly be in it. ‘and Dougie Adams…’. I
felt absolutely gutted, really surprised at how competitive I had felt in the
end. The judges applauded and walked past us with their commiserations but I
felt a bit numb. Kathleen Soriano said to me as she passed ‘Oh, I loved yours!’
and I thought to myself, ‘Yeah? Well why didn’t you bloody pick it then! (My
apologies for my lack of magnanimity at this point. I’m just trying to write
honestly about the experience). The three artists who hadn’t made it through
were told to wait in the field adjacent to the easels until the winner was
called. I felt really fed up, and to make it worse I was then asked to do one
more interview to camera to tell the viewers how I felt about losing….great.
Dougie won the heat, a
worthy winner I thought. We then had to tidy up our pods and pack up our
equipment as our paintings were taken away to be wrapped up somewhere else on
site. There had been some art materials available- some nice oils, acrylics and
charcoal which I was told I could have which was very generous. Looking around
all the activity as the crew started to pack up to my surprise I noticed the
judges walking away. After spending six exhausting hours painting, weeks
preparing, and then not getting through to the top three, I was hoping they
would come over and offer us bit of feedback or at least some advice for the
future- I think we all deserved that, but no, they were off. That was it. I was
left with my disappointment, and a sense of ‘well, what happened there then?’.
I suddenly felt like a small cog in the big machine of the TV production. They
had got what they needed. I’d made a painting for the TV show. I could go now.
When I made it back to
my car and headed back up the motorway I felt exhausted, but also surprisingly upset
about it all. To not get any feedback at all had really knocked my confidence,
as if I wasn’t really worthy after all. I put Courtney Marie Andrew’s ‘On My
Page’ album on the stereo, which seemed to fit my mood perfectly, and went
home.
After...
'The Far Field IV', oil on canvas, 30 x 30cms
Five months later I
finally hear some feedback on my painting, which I have not looked at since I
came home from West Wycombe Park, when I sit down to watch episode 2 of series
6 of Sky Arts Landscape Artist Of The Year in January. In the five months since the filming I have
made 20 new paintings- my recent pylon works- trying several new approaches in
my painting through the autumn to winter with a quiet determination to prove
something to myself and try and put some creative distance between myself and
the TV experience
I’ve been absolutely
dreading watching the programme and have even had sleepless nights about it
wondering what the judges actually thought and said, but also how I will come
across. Yes, it would be fair to say I had lost a bit of perspective.
It turns out that the
judges, particularly Kate and Katherine, did like it after all, even referring
to it as the ‘Disco Temple’ because of my use of colour, which I liked.
Independent curator Kate Bryan
At the halfway point, when the Judges have a
bit of a conflab Joan Bakewell had said ‘well Shaun seems to know what he’s
doing’, a phrase I thought I might get printed on a T-Shirt with Joan
Bakewell’s name under it. The episode
itself was not the best. I thought all the interesting bits of watching the
artists at work which I have liked about the show when I have watched it did
not feature, and neither did I in the end despite all the interviews and
filming. I thought that might be the case though as I hadn’t made the top 3. I
thought the ‘narrative’ of the episode would be cut around the 3 top artists of
the day. Within an hour of the show being on however, I had sold a painting
from my website store and by the weekend had sold two more, including my
submission piece. For the next few days and more I received loads of positive
feedback through my social media accounts about my appearance and more
importantly my painting from friends but also fellow artists from all over the
country, many of them past contestants on the show, praising my work and
wanting to know more about my painting practice. Although I’m aware that it can be creatively
fatal to take much notice of criticism both good and bad and that it’s best to
just get on with ‘the work’, all this positive feedback does really give my
confidence a much needed boost. Other artist friends offered a more critical
perspective ranging from wondering what I was doing on the programme anyway as
It seemed nothing to do with what I do, that the judges were ‘so empty’ and
‘where do they get these people from?!’. One friend the way the ‘wild cards’
are treated is ‘demeaning’, and many thought my painting was the best by far, which
was nice (let me put that that one in). One
friend said the difference with my work and the others was that it was actually
ALIVE! Another artist friend who I met in Cornwall a week after taking part
gently reminded me, ‘It’s just a TV show…’
'Empty Streets', oil on canvas, 50 x 40cms (the painting that got me
in the competition. Now sold)
A TV show or not (I
hear those words again…’can you say ‘competition, not show?’) the programme has
seemingly created a ripple effect in the weeks that have followed with more and
more people taking an interest in my work. The best and most tangible thing to
come out of it however, is the contact I have made and the relationships I am
beginning to form with other professional artists. In fact, later in the summer
I’m returning to West Wycombe park with the artists I met at my episode and the
others who featured there in episode 4 to stage a live (not online!) exhibition
of our work from the competition and some of our other work at the National
Trust house at the Park (I’m not sure what my Dad will say!). That’s a lovely
and unexpected outcome. In the meantime,
I’m learning a great deal, not least that I’m not as good as so many of the
artists I’m in touch with, and it is pushing me on to try and make my own work
much stronger, be more critical and ask myself more questions about the work I
do make and put out there. I’m making a lot of work at the moment, but a great
deal of it I’m rejecting, painting over things to and try again and be more
willing to try something different.
Beckett’s famous quote:
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again.
Fail again. Fail better’’ seems
to sum my experience up, as it does so much of anyone’s attempts to be creative
and to try and do something worthwhile and fulfilling, which in the end my
participation in the competition has proved to be.
******
Can I move on now…? I’m
sorry this has ended up reading more like a short story. It’s been difficult to
write as I’ve been very conscious whenever
people have asked me since what it was like my thoughts always come back to the
difficult end to the experience. Yes, maybe I did lose perspective, but
painting is so important to me, and I still think the judges should have taken the time to speak us with us all after how much work we had done. As an artist we are always made to feel
grateful for any opportunity, and I felt that this was no exception and have
had this said to me about this opportunity too, but as artists our passion for what we do is also continually
exploited. We have to exhibit for free, give up our time for
free, often we have to pay to exhibit (!), appear in front of millions watching on Sky Arts for
free and yet still be grateful. It will do our careers good etc. And we are, and
sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t and on it goes…I’ve had so many
experiences as an artist very similar to this over the years. I wanted this one
to be a little different. I just wish that our skills, experience and passion
for what we do was respected and treated a bit better sometimes.
